Dracula WTF: Episodes 1 & 2


So if you follow my twitter, or perhaps @Ceilidhann’s, you will know that I am watching the 10-episode Dracula series from 2003. The one starring Jonathan Rhys Meyers as Dracula pretending to be an American Tesla.

I don’t even know.

Because of its weirdness, I made a lot of comments to Ceilidhann about all the weirdness, and from episode two onward have actively had a writing app open on my computer to take notes. And at her sort-of suggestion, I am now sharing those thoughts with you.

If you haven’t seen the series yet, spoilers ahead.

Episode 01: The Blood Is the Life Wait, What?

  • Finally watching the NBC Dracula TV series. Let’s see how weird this is then.
  • Less than five minutes in and we already have sexy shirtless Dracula. Always a good start.
  • I mean, I prefer my Draculas more physically monstrous but I will not say no to this.
  • Those dresses have a hell of a lot more boobage than they should have for that period.
  • Ooh, was that meant to reference “enter freely and of your own will“? Yes. Yes it was.
  • GODDAMNIT ANOTHER REINCARNATED MINA STORY.
  • Overly sexualised Lucy and demur Mina trope. Bleh.
  • Yay for a black character in a period piece but am not sure how I feel about him being Renfield.
  • Why is Prince William playing Jonathan Harker?
  • WHY IS THERE NO HOLMWOOD, SEWARD AND MORRIS?
  • Of course Jack the Ripper was a vampire; they were really heavy on putting in the details so we’d know who it was (very “as you know” – I think we could have figured it out).
  • Aaaaaaand we have a Dracula who can’t handle the sun. Who do they think he is? Count Orlok?
  • Also, if they ever made a Nosferatu porn parody they should call him Count Allcock
  • omg they popped the cape of his coat up to look like the popped cloak of a stereotypical vampire what is this even
  • And more boobage. Like imminent wardrobe malfunction boobage
  • Dude he’s feeling up that woman and watching Mina from a distance. I don’t think she’d appreciate you watching her with your head in between another lady’s boobs and your hand up her skirt.
  • Van Helsing resurrected Dracula? Wtf is this
  • I am gonna keep watching Dracula, if only for the wtf,

Episode 02: A Whiff of Sulfur I Watch This For The WTF

  • I wonder if this is meant to be in Snagov, or is it just supposed to be a vague place in Romania? I mean they’re going with the Vlad the Impaler thing so why not go with Snagov?
  • Then again who knows with this show.
  • The sun thing is still annoying.
  • And we have classic backstory of dead wife and kids. From now on I shall refer to her as Fridget van Helsing.
  • Legend is Vlad’s wife topped herself by tossing herself. So the fire thing is new.
  • Wait, Ilona? That’s wife number two. I don’t know whether to be glad that they remembered her or be sad that she got NBCed as well.
  • What is Dracula’s accent?
  • I am still disappointed at the lack of Lucy’s three men. They’ve got all these subplots about medicine and wealth and Lucy and yet the perfect fits of Holmwood, Seward and Morris are not used.
  • Lucy is such a bitch in this show. She is the complete opposite of her canon self. There she was all sweetness and light; here she’s a slutty bitch.
  • I hate that word but you know that’s the word the writers were thinking of.
  • Oh I like the credits.
  • Interesting that they’ve kept the idea of Dracula buying stuff up from the books, although he’s less perfectly legal about it here. That’s what you get when you don’t have Harker the Lawyer in your show.
  • God I hope Renfield doesn’t go full book!Renfield. Never have the sole character of colour go full book!Renfield.
  • Seriously, never go full book!Renfield.
  • … is he going house shopping with Harker? Huh. Is this Carfax? No.
  • Now I’m wondering if he’s got coffins all over London.
  • And it seems our first glimpse at characters of colour other than Renfield are in an opium den. Because of course. Chinese people as background decoration.
  • And boobs.
  • That manservant in the background is extremely uncomfortable at being the third wheel.
  • Although it is nice to see a woman over 35 get some action. Especially from a younger man. Or in this case, younger-looking-immortal-older-man.
  • Sassy Mina is sassy.
  • This Jonathan picks up on Dracula’s wrongness much more quickly.
  • While the doctor thing is interesting, did they make the change to “smarten her up” from a simple schoolteacher? Because she was one of the smartest of the lot, doing a lot of the brainwork in the original.
  • Oh look, magical black people.
  • Geez, Lucy, I know you’re jealous but why are you such a bitch to Harker? It’s not gonna endear you to Mina no matter what you want.
  • Sassy Renfield is sassy.
  • Humans? Gay humans!
  • Seriously though, how soon until they die? :/
  • Oh my god what have they done to Jonathan? In the books he loved Mina’s competence and he wouldn’t want her to quit medicine if he were here.
  • He’s such a messy eater.
  • That’s it. I can only do one a day.

And that’s the first two episodes of this show. As it’s only ten episodes long, I’ll stick to two episodes a post. Next post will start with episode 03, Goblin Merchant Men The Opening Credits Are My Favourite Part soon enough.

Catherine

Catherine is a writer, reader, and general internet person from New Zealand. As well as designing book covers, she is one of the editors for Bibliodaze and one half of the vampire-themed podcast The Bloodsucking Feminists.

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1 Comment

  • Rissi
    September 8, 2016 at 12:45 am

    I’ve not seen this one because I’m usually NOT a vampire or werewolves or supernatural creature kind of girl. That said, the costumes and cast did interest me, though I never watched an episode and I’m okay with that. I don’t need another show to binge. Thanks for visiting Finding Wonderland.

    Rissi recently posted: Blogging 101 | Aesthetics

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Catherine

Catherine

Kiwi. Writer. Reader. Graphic designer. Video games enthusiast. Bloodsucking Feminist and co-editor of Bibliodaze . Knows way too much about vampires than is healthy. Doesn't care.

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